FYE101 – August 7, 2007

5:34p.m. Sitting in class now. Big Surprise, huh? Well, I dropped off my books, went to a lab to email Diana, and just got back. After I had gotten out of the van and started toward the school, I looked back at the front of the van, and noticed that somebody ripped the Ford emblem…


“FYE101 – August 7, 2007” was originally published on J. Palmer

5:34p.m. Sitting in class now. Big Surprise, huh? Well, I dropped off my books, went to a lab to email Diana, and just got back.
After I had gotten out of the van and started toward the school, I looked back at the front of the van, and noticed that somebody ripped the Ford emblem off. So, I emailed Diana, asking her to look around the lot at home for it. Damned neighborhood kids. They have apparently grown tired of throwing mud at my car, and have decided to vandalize the van. I wish I had the money to put an alarm on each car. But what good would that do? It would just be another thing to entice them. They’d be getting a thrill from setting the alarm off. And it doesn’t help any that Diana had yelled at them a short while ago.I’m sure that all that did was make them want to do more damage to the premises. Kind of a challenge. Really. Think about it. By yelling at the kids, and telling them she was going to report them, she was challenging them. I was so pissed off at her for doing that. What’s worse is that she had done so while we were loading up to leave for the evening. I’m surprised that I still had a windshield in my car when we came back that night.
Oh, I’m tired. I need to get just a little more rest in the evenings.
So, I wonder whose group I’m in. I know that someone named Tammy is a member, but I don’t know who Tammy is. I don’t pay attention to things like that.
Oh, yeah, I missed class last week. Diana begged and pleaded for me to stay home because the kids were sick.
Oh, crap. I need to see about being advised. I’ve got the rest of the week, and next week to do it.
Tired.
My knees hurt. My knees have been hurting for the past week. I really don’t know why.
I really cannot see the clock from where I am sitting. I believe that it says something like 5:53p.m. If so, then Laura is early. She just walked in. Looks like we may be watching a video tonight. I dunno. Guess I’ll – wait she’s taking the wrap off of it. So that would be a yes.
Seven, no, wait, eight now.
Now I know who Tammy is. She’s the nurse that works for a urologist.
Ooh, that one girl has a nice tattoo. Sorry, I just noticed it. She’s the one with the cute southern accent.
Handing back an assignment. OOPS! I got 15/20 on it. Whoops. I had skipped over a part. Oh, well. Stuff happens. Hey, but I got a 20/20 on the other one.
Taking roll now. 6:10p.m. Eleven students in attendance.
Took break at 7:19p.m. Went to smoke. Spoke with the tattooed girl. Saw a little more of the tatt. Looks like it covers her left side. Wonder what the whole design looks like. She asked me where I was in the KEY class. Told her that I had no clue. She said she’d hitting around 20 wpm. I said I was around 45-50wpm, which kinda crushed her, until I confessed that I wasn’t doing it properly. I explained that when I type correctly, I’m averaging around 25wpm. She loved hearing that – made her feel so much better.
7:39p.m. We’re still B.S.-ing around. A lot of that goes on. Ah, getting to it now. Question posed, “what did you learn?” in response to the video… Oh, yeah, Gabby is her name – the tattooed girl, that is.
Random writing here – just when there’s non-pertinent discussion.
Everybody bitches about how cold it is here. I love it.
I need to read those textbook handouts, and do the exercises in the Step by Step text.
8:08p.m. – start group activity.
9pm go to lab…


“FYE101 – August 7, 2007” was originally published on J. Palmer

ENG 101 August 6, 2007

Another writing from a notebook, transcribed later… 5:54p.m. I got here late, in comparison to usual. And Laura is early. She just arrived. Well, so far, including me, six students are here. I ran to one of the labs a few minutes ago in order to print-off my blogging draft. Yay! We just got an…


“ENG 101 August 6, 2007” was originally published on J. Palmer

Another writing from a notebook, transcribed later…
5:54p.m. I got here late, in comparison to usual. And Laura is early. She just arrived.
Well, so far, including me, six students are here.
I ran to one of the labs a few minutes ago in order to print-off my blogging draft.
Yay! We just got an an in-class assignment from two? three? weeks ago. I got a 10/10 without any corrections on my paper. It was a response to To Bid the World Farewell.
We’re receiving a one sheet handout on APA documentation. I left my manual at home. Left it there for Diana to use for tonight. She has a paper due.
Taking roll now. 6:04p.m.
I had received an email from that Dan Cawley guy of Quick Clicks. Oh, I haven’t mentioned anything on Quick Clicks, or the email I sent. I’ll have to get back to that later.
Laura’s going over the APA cheat-sheet. Mentioning the troubles of citing we-resources. Web-resources can be a total pain. Reason being is that all  the information needed for citation isn’t necessarily there.
6:11p.m. She’s drawing examples on the board now. We’ve taken these notes before. I have no idea what the date was. I failed to date that page. I believe that it was week three. I dunno. I’ll have to research that more to find out. What’s sad is that when I took the notes, I failed to capture everything that was written on the board. I did that primarily because the material was either common knowledge at this point in our educational career; or the material is covered in greater depth in the APA manual.
6:17p.m. Just finished the notes on the board and doing a recap/Q&A. No Q’s though. All A’s. We really don’t ask many questions. Now she’s mentioning the citation websites again. I could only find one – can’t remember the URL. It worked o.k. I don’t know if I’ll use it again.
Gearing up for the co-edit of the papers. OOPS! Two forgot theirs!
(BREAK FOR READING OF ANOTHER STUDENT PAPER)
I just read instructions on how to plumb a house. I can’t say that it was in-depth. It was a good try. Poor guy. I hope he makes it.
6:30p.m. I’m not really participating in the co-edit process. I’m not going to get any decent criticisms anyway.
6:34p.m. Oh, I am bored. Well, one good thing does come from this – I am writing!
Kinda looks like it might rain. Looks overcast.
I can’t believe that I got a spot in the parking lot. It was a miraculous feat! I slid in her at like ten till six, and actually found a spot! Last parking place on the side row. I almost missed it. I quickly backed up and pulled in.
6:39p.m. and we’re readying for break. Final paper will be comparison/contrast. I wonder if I should polish off that paper I wrote last quarter. It was interesting. Well, break. No, wait! Dismissed! Awesome!


“ENG 101 August 6, 2007” was originally published on J. Palmer

An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder:

A short while ago, I posted a paper that I was submitting as an assignment in ENG101. I have received that paper with suggestions and corrections made by my instructor. I am now re-posting that paper, with her suggestions and corrections made. Additions, corrections, etc. shall be colored purple. As it stood, I received a…


“An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder:” was originally published on J. Palmer

A short while ago, I posted a paper that I was submitting as an assignment in ENG101. I have received that paper with suggestions and corrections made by my instructor. I am now re-posting that paper, with her suggestions and corrections made. Additions, corrections, etc. shall be colored purple. As it stood, I received a B for my work. I am pleased.

 

An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder:

Navigating The Labyrinth

Jeremiah Hall Palmer

ENG101

Sullivan University

 

A room. A large room. Not just any room – an expansive room, filled with the absence of light. The room is familiar, and yet, there is something very unsettling about it. The room change, shifts, reconstructs itself. All the basic elements are there – walls, doors, ceilings, floors – everything familiar and known is present. The room changes. The doorway that had been only a few feet away from you has now somehow gone ten feet away, and leads to somewhere else. The room changes. The labyrinth grows. You are lost in the maze of darkness, and everything that you should know about the room proves incorrect, yet at other instances all logic prevails, and a bit of light may be shed and you find your way.  [Avoid shift to 2nd person]

 

While the analogy above may sound more like a partial synopsis of The Navidson Record in the novel House of Leaves (Danielewski, 2000), its purpose is to serve as a definition of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – and what the sufferers; meaning the person having the symptoms and diagnosis of the mental syndrome; as well as the persons within the life of the diagnosed experience.

 

According the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV) [italicize title], Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as a condition where a person’s mentality and emotions vary from the norm by showing instability in overall behavior, self-image, identity, mood, relationships, and the classification of things in terms “black and white”, or “right or wrong.” These aspects are further outlined in the criteria listed in the DSM-IV, and are offered as a guideline for possible diagnosis, where a person suffering from BPD will show five of the nine listed specific symptoms. (APA, 2004)

 

Commonly, the BP has issues with interpersonal relationships. This causes tremendous troubles for both the BP and the non-BP his or her associates. The BP may exhibit a lack of trust in the non-BP, and show violent or irregular changes in attitude toward the non-BP. Reasons for these trust and anger issues may vary, and typically will, for the issue lies deep within the BP’s previous life experiences. The BP may have been a victim of some sort of abuse, be it emotional, physical, or sexual (Wikipedia, 2007) [Wikipedia is not a credible source. Can you document the info from a better source?]. These experiences then influence the attitude of the BP, and the feelings get applied toward the non-BP. This transgression is not done intentionally; meaning that the BP truly wishes to behave in this manner; however, the attitude is brought about as a defense mechanism. The BP has been put on edge – a high alert and looks for any sign that they he or she might be hurt once more.

 

The walls, the doors, the floorsare all familiar elements of this room. But something is different; something changes; the room has gotten bigger. The doors are further farther away.

 

A BP [This abbreviation seems impersonal] can enter into a relationship not expecting anything more than what any other person may expect. Things may seem fine or normal for a period of time. Then the BP will start looking for the signs (Harvard, June 2006). The non-BP may make the normal changes within their attitude as everyone is susceptible to doing. This simple change may scare the BP, therefore causing a sudden rift in their attitude, causing a change in the way they he or she [keep this all singular] looks at things, and in turn causing a change in how the non-BP sees their his or her friend/partner.

 

When people enter into a relationship, they typically show all of their good points, and get comfortable with one another before letting their lesser points slide in. One may be dating a person for a few weeks, going out to dinners and movies, and showing full proper manners, and then there will come that one night where someone breaks. While this example may be seem a bit stretched overstated, it does show how one changes their appearance over time, until they feel comfortable with the other. This simple thing, however, may in fact be just enough to make a BP start looking at the non-BP in a different light.

 

“My ex had terrible gas,” the BP may think, and then start looking for signs and other attributes that this non- has with their his or her former partner. This new non-BP, who has only broken wind, has now become like the others.” […so it’s taken very personally?]

 

Abandonment is also a strong fear of BP’s. Feelings of abandonment stretch outside the walls of a close coupled relationship, and may involve relationships shared among friends or family. These feelings of abandonment may stem to th
e root of the BP’s psychosis, or may have come resulted as symptoms of the BPD. In the flatulent example aforementioned, the BP may have eventually gone too far in assigning negative attributes to the non-, and the non- simply grew tired of this poor soul’s baggage and left. Whether the non- left on good terms or abruptly left the relationship makes no difference to the BP – they were he or she was for all intensive intents and purposes, abandoned. The BP was abandoned because the non- just couldn’t take the changes in personality. The non- had been drawn into the BP’s labyrinth, grew scared, and finally found the door behind them, and ran out.

 

The room is very dark and grows darker still. The BP searches for a way out. The BP may become, or may have been long since long been suicidal. Their His or her life is seems empty. Nobody sticks around, not a single soul in the world for them, no one to love or trust. Sadly, among 8-10% of BPs find suicide as their way out of this maddening maze (Wikipedia, 2007). Still more Others turn to other a variety of destructive behaviors such as drug abuse, alcoholism, promiscuity, and so on, if they haven’t already (Harvard, June 2006). Thankfully, the majority searches for a light.

 

In the search for a way to light this dark room, the BP may actively search for friends. During this search, the BP will also be desperately searching for various ways to gain approval of the people around them him/herself. In the desperate acts of approval seeking, the BP may be viewed as child-like, constantly finding inappropriate times to interject, or add to a conversation, sharing experiences which may have no light on a particular subject, following people, consistent rambling, displayinghyperactivity, and so on. Due to this behavior the BP may just drive the nons- away, thus fulfilling their fears of abandonment once again. A vicious cycle has come complete again, and then it starts once more.

 

BPs may find light, however, through therapy. Therapy, however, can become just as troubling as the disorder.

 

The Grand Hall, just down the corridor from the large darkened room. Even darker. Still no light. [series of fragments] A large spiral staircase in the center. The staircase, more frightening, leads to the depths of the issue.

 

Somewhere along the way, the BP may have been diagnosed, or they may just realize that their symptoms deserve attention, so they seek therapy; where they shall become diagnosed as a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, if not many more psychological disorders (Harvard, 2006) [This sentence needs work]. In either case the BP has most likely come to therapy, entered The Grand Hall, to receive help with the symptoms – the trust issues, the anxiety and the depression. The counselor (inclusive of therapist, psychiatrist, and or psychologist) leads them to the staircase – the disorder itself. This long dark and twisting shaft is lined with many steps, many symptoms. The hole that they lead down is the disorder, and the depth of the hole, the number of steps leading down, can only be influenced by how the BP thinks and chooses to interpret things. A It is a scary walkway to look at for the BP, and the counselor. Truth be told, the counselors are typically more fearful of the treatment than the BP (Harvard, 2007). [Why?]

 

Enter the minotaur – the stigma of this labyrinth known as Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

With all the knowledge that counselors have of BPD, they have the misfortune of having to expect anything and everything from the patient. The counselors know the definition of BPD: unsettling and unstable moods, rage, suicidal thoughts, self-injury, fears of abandonment, intimacy issues, and over-all overall volatile behavior (Harvard, 2007). With this information, it’s hard to enter into a session without some slight. More difficult still, is resolving the nature of the disorder. Personality disorders are just that – a problem entwined within a personality, the very being of a person. Defining a line between the being and the human is difficult, if not nearly impossible. The problem is magnified where the personality is that of a borderline nature, meaning it can change randomly at any given moment, as opposed to its akin, Bipolar Disorder, which changes on a more patterned cyclic rate (Wikipedia, 2007). [To continue with illustrative efforts, bipolar persons are more like funhouses. The journey may be scary and fun, and ther
e is a definite end to the cycle before you one re-enters.]

 

The stigma then plays into the BP’s psychosis; the counselor has failed the BP. There is no help or hope. Abandonment, yet again. [fragment]

 

There have, however, been several good attempts at therapy, yet these styles of therapy do not show definitive solutions for the disorder. Therapy for the BP has been tried in oneonone sessions, as well as in group sessions such as groups of Bps being counseled, or couples therapy for the BP and non-BP partners. Two forms of therapy have shown good response in BPD diagnosed patients. One therapy style, Schema-Focused Therapy (focuses on childhood, daily life, emotion and defining thereof), has shown full recovery of some patients after a four-year term, while having a larger number “showing clinically significant improvement.” Dialectical behavioral therapy (logic reasoning, weighing and exchanging points and ideas) has shown some use benefit in an effort to stop suicidal and self-injury tendencies, and is more welcomed by BPs in opposition of to traditional psychoanalysis; however, dialectical therapy has yet to prove any effectiveness in treatment of BPD. (Harvard, June 2006)

 

There are no medications for BPD itself; whereas, but a BP can be medicated for certain symptoms or for a concurrent mental health disorder. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) have been used to aid in the improvement of anxiety and depression. Antipsychotics have also been tried in attempts to alleviate impulsivity and suicidal attempts. Anticonvulsants have been used as well, and have shown effects in stabilizing the mood of BPs. (Harvard, July 2006)

 

Borderline Personality Disorder is an enigma to everyone involved. A — a large puzzle without a solution. A — a maze without a map. A — a deep dark labyrinth. Though the single sufferer may never be completely cured (Harvard, July 2006), they he or she may, however, through therapy and the determined support of trusting friends and partners, be able to make it through life without having the house cave in on them him/herself. [This is a very effective definition of a complex diagnosis.]


 

 

References

American Psychiatric Association, (2004). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV-TR (Text Revision). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Borderline Personality Disorder. (2007). In Wikipedia [Web]. Retrieved July 6, 2007, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Danielewski, M (2000). House of Leaves. Toronto, Canada: Random House.

Harvard Health Publications, (2007, January).The stigma of borderline personality. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 6.

Harvard Health Publications, (2006, July).Borderline personality disorder: Treatment. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 3-5.

Harvard Health Publications, (2006, June).Borderline perosnality disorder: Origins and symptoms. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 22, 1-3.


“An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder:” was originally published on J. Palmer

DATE UNKNOWN – JULY 2007 ENG101

Yep, another entry from a notebook – I didn’t date this one. I believe it to be either July 9, or 16… So, I am sitting in the classroom and am only one of two persons present at this time. Three other students have stopped in and dropped off their texts and notebooks. I sit in…


“DATE UNKNOWN – JULY 2007 ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

Yep, another entry from a notebook – I didn’t date this one. I believe it to be either July 9, or 16…
So, I am sitting in the classroom and am only one of two persons present at this time. Three other students have stopped in and dropped off their texts and notebooks.
I sit in the rear of the classroom, beside a window. Well, a wall of windows, really. A glass wall I suppose you could say. A beautiful view looking down at the grounds. The lawn is beautiful and green, striped as well. I wonder how difficult it is for the landscapers to mow that lawn and keep an evenly striped pattern with so many trees out there. I can count twenty-plus trees through the view of this one pane of glass. I wonder how many trees lie on the entire campus grounds.
Another student has entered.
Now I am the only one present in the room. Wait–spoke too soon. One of the book’s owners has arrived. He seems to be an interesting fellow. I had to contain my laughter last week, when he questioned something that I thought was common knowledge. I believe the topic had been on “emo.” He had no clue what “emo” was, and was astounded when he heard of the dress and mannerisms of an “emo” person.
I’ll tell you one thing – there are a wide variety of personalities here.
It’s 5:45p.m. Fifteen minutes until class begins.
One student is hoping we get dismissed early.
I have yet to stay past nine o’clock in any of my classes.
That student and another are speculating what our evening will be like.
Nine of us now. Nine minutes to do to the six o’clock hour.
I have no real idea as to what I am doing at this moment.
Ah, one student brought their notebook PC. I wish mine wasn’t in pawn. I’d be bringing it to class as well. Oh well, when the quarter is nearly over, I shall have it again.
Six minutes now. Everyone looks so enthusiastic. Sarcasm. Such a wonderful thing. I really need to sit down and set out a plan when it comes to my notebooks and other materials for class.
Four minutes now.
Men are outside with leaf blowers, clearing the walks of grass clippings.
Two minutes.
Still nine students. No instructor.
I hate this notebook. Well, I have a strong disliking for it. Spiral-bound and no perforations.
Ah, the teacher has arrived, with thirty seconds to spare. She’s asked if anyone read an article that was handed out last week. Everyone shakes his/her head. I read it last week…


“DATE UNKNOWN – JULY 2007 ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

July 30, 2007 – ENG101

Yes, another handwritten entry, typed up later…. It is 5:33p.m. I am the only one in the room. There is only evidence of one other student thus far. In other news, Diana is roaming the school. I got to eCampus, and when she came out, she informed me that Crystal would meet us at Sullivan…


“July 30, 2007 – ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

Yes, another handwritten entry, typed up later….
It is 5:33p.m. I am the only one in the room. There is only evidence of one other student thus far.
In other news, Diana is roaming the school. I got to eCampus, and when she came out, she informed me that Crystal would meet us at Sullivan and pick the kids up, so that she could come here and do homework. I don’t know whether Crystal has made it yet, for I have left Diana and the children outside, so that I may sit and wait for class to begin.
5:37p.m. Diana just came to tell me she’d be working in 235/236.
I am starving. I really haven’t eaten anything today. I had one of those stupid “Instant Lunches.”
5:40p.m. Twenty minutes. I can hardly contain my excitement.
So, I wonder where everyone is. They usually start filing in by now.  Maybe we just won’t have a class tonight. That would be awesome. Of course, it would be ridiculous for anyone to miss the night before loan overages are released. That’s one of the main reasons why I am here tonight. Well, that and I truly enjoy coming to class. I know – I’m weird.
5:45p.m. Tick-tock-tick-tock. Really, no ticking or tocking. Battery operated clocks. No real sound for that. I am having so much fun. I shiver with anticip–
–ation.
So, I’m supposed to be writing a paper on how one blogs. I have no idea how that will be interesting. It may prove to be difficult. The idea is that I am giving a process analysis. I think I’ll start by giving a brief history of blogging, and then list the types/variations, and choices of blog hosts one is faced with. Then I’ll go into the writing and posting process. I may then try to go into how blogs are submitted into searches and databases. I dunno. Sounds interesting to me anyway.
5:47p.m. and still no other signs of life. This is fairly odd. I wonder where that one talkative girl is. She’s here all day on Mondays. She has morning classes and this evening class. I can’t remember how many classes she said she was taking.
5:55p.m. The one guy popped in and back out. So, once again, I am the only person in the room.
5:59p.m. Just us two guys.
6:00p.m. Nobody. Hmmm….
6:01p.m. Ah, Laura is here. And it’s just us. Two students and a teacher. Well, I guess we really won’t be doing much of anything tonight. We’ll see in a few.
6:05p.m. Diana popped in – she told me she had to find another lab, for the one she picked was being used.


“July 30, 2007 – ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

July 24, 2007 – FYE101

Once again, this entry was written in the classroom…. you know the drill by now… Well, shortly after I got here, I went to work typing up notes for my class. Well, the first thing I did was go to the classroom, and after I had discovered that the room was not configured as it usually…


“July 24, 2007 – FYE101” was originally published on J. Palmer

Once again, this entry was written in the classroom…. you know the drill by now…
Well, shortly after I got here, I went to work typing up notes for my class. Well, the first thing I did was go to the classroom, and after I had discovered that the room was not configured as it usually is, I tracked down my instructor, and notified her. Following that, I went outside and had a smoke. Then I went to one of the labs and typed my notes. Now class is starting.


“July 24, 2007 – FYE101” was originally published on J. Palmer

July 23, 2007 – ENG101

The following entry was originally written in class, and was transcribed at a later date. I am sitting in the classroom. Currently I am one of two people occupying the room. But that is no matter – at least not a matter worthy of writing about. This makes the third? fourth? fifth? time that I…


“July 23, 2007 – ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

The following entry was originally written in class, and was transcribed at a later date.
I am sitting in the classroom. Currently I am one of two people occupying the room. But that is no matter – at least not a matter worthy of writing about. This makes the third? fourth? fifth? time that I have sat down in a class and started writing. The purpose of these writings are so that I may have more material to place in my blogs. I have yet to post anything. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. I hate typing from my handwritten notes and journals.
A little less than fifteen minutes until the beginning of class.
I drew a smiley on the dry-erase board in the rear of the classroom. I wonder if anyone will notice.
I posted the text from the assignment I am turning in tonight.
Viewable on LJ and MySpace.
I am one of five students now.
I really didn’t wan to leave home this evening. I’m glad I did. I enjoy sitting in a class. School is fun.
Oh, dear God. I think that I have the longest paper in the class. One student just said that his paper two pages. One is guessing that hers is three and one-half pages – guessing because they didn’t format it correctly. My paper is ten pages.
I am tired. And hungry. And thirsty.
I left my bottle of Dasani in the car. Maybe I’ll get it in an hour.
Four minutes.
It seems that (based upon what I am overhearing) I am the only person in the class who gives a shit.
One minute. The instructor has entered.
One of five. The sixth is out there somewhere. Who knows what happened to the other five, or was it six?
Ah, two minutes passed the hour, and we have taken roll.
Turned in the papers.
Ah, number six just joined us. Four minutes passed the hour.
————-
6:57p.m. So we’re taking a break now. We’ve spent the last hour discussing the possibilities of the next writing assignment. What fun.
Now there is a discussion about a couple of teens who stole a cruiser in Frankfort, or something like that. The student that guesses that they wrote three pages apparently knows one of the teens. Small world.
So, now we’re getting back to work.
————-
Class dismissed at 7:50p.m.


“July 23, 2007 – ENG101” was originally published on J. Palmer

July 17, 2007 – FYE101

The following entry was originally wrote in class, and has been transcribed at a later date. So, its fifteen after five, and I’m sitting in the classroom. Have forty-five minutes to wait. Tonight is FYE. I just came from the computer lab across the hall – I had been there finishing up an assignment. We’re…


“July 17, 2007 – FYE101” was originally published on J. Palmer

The following entry was originally wrote in class, and has been transcribed at a later date.
So, its fifteen after five, and I’m sitting in the classroom. Have forty-five minutes to wait. Tonight is FYE.
I just came from the computer lab across the hall – I had been there finishing up an assignment. We’re supposed to take notes on each chapter we read. I hadn’t been. Hell, I hadn’t been reading either. So, I spent this afternoon outlining the chapters we were supposed to have read up to tonight. Six of ’em. Typed notes. I came up with eleven pages worth of notes.Wasn’t fun either. I had to do one through five at the office, because the power was out at home. Just did number six here.
Well, I don’t know. Maybe it was fun.
Almost 5:30.
I’m tired. I wanna go to sleep. Oh well.
I missed last week. Damned car. I had no brake pads on the rear passenger. I did have the fortune of riding in with Shandra last Wednesday, however. That was fun. I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow. I want to feel  the wind again. Knowing my luck it’ll rain, and she’ll have to have the top up. Oh yeah, she’s giving me a lift tomorrow, too.
I had breakfast about an hour ago. I had been out this morning, so I never got the chance.
Now it’s 5:30.
Only thirty more minutes of sitting, waiting for class to begin.
My handwriting is getting worse. Damned computers. Not much need to write by hand anymore. Only need to know your name – and even that can be replaced. Biometrics. Finger-print technology. Just stick your thumb, and you’ll be set. I’d much rather do that than sign my name. Even though my signature is rather interesting. I like it anyway.
Sleepy. I am sleepy.
Little more than twenty minutes to go. I’d go have a smoke, but I’m nearly out of cigarettes.


“July 17, 2007 – FYE101” was originally published on J. Palmer

Next ENG101 Assignment

So, I am supposed to be coming up with a paper for ENG101/Composition I. I have got my idea. I have got an outline of sorts. I found some reference materials. All I need to do is sit down and start writing. Simple enough. For some reason, I haven’t though. I’m going to be writing…


“Next ENG101 Assignment” was originally published on J. Palmer

So, I am supposed to be coming up with a paper for ENG101/Composition I.
I have got my idea. I have got an outline of sorts. I found some reference materials. All I need to do is sit down and start writing. Simple enough. For some reason, I haven’t though.
I’m going to be writing about blogging.
Fun.
Yes, I chose the topic. Freely. My own choice.
Here’s the catch. It’s a process analysis; meaning I am to give instruction on how to, and/or instruction on how it is done.
Yep. I’m crazy.
So, like, I’m going to write the paper for the novice, who has no clue as to what blogging is, or what the background is, or blah blah blah….
I may be in over my head. But, hey, I like a challenge.


“Next ENG101 Assignment” was originally published on J. Palmer

An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder: The Labyrinth

Here’s a writing I am turning in for class tonight:   An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder: The Labyrinth Jeremiah Hall Palmer ENG101 Sullivan University   A room. A large room. Not just any room – an expansive room, filled with the absence of light. The room is familiar, and yet, there is something…


“An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder: The Labyrinth” was originally published on J. Palmer

Here’s a writing I am turning in for class tonight:

 

An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder:

The Labyrinth

Jeremiah Hall Palmer

ENG101

Sullivan University

 

A room. A large room. Not just any room – an expansive room, filled with the absence of light. The room is familiar, and yet, there is something very unsettling about it. The room change, shifts, reconstructs itself. All the basic elements are there – walls, doors, ceilings, floors – everything familiar and known is present. The room changes. The doorway that had been only a few feet from you has now somehow gone ten feet away, and leads to somewhere else. The room changes. The labyrinth grows. You are lost in the maze of darkness, and everything that you should know about the room proves incorrect, yet at other instances all logic prevails, and a bit of light may be shed and you find your way.

 

While the analogy above may sound more like a partial synopsis of The Navidson Record (Danielewski, 2000), it’s purpose is to serve as a definition of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – and what the sufferers; meaning the person having the symptoms and diagnosis of the mental syndrome; as well as the persons within the life of the diagnosed experience.

 

According the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition (DSM-IV), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as a condition where a person’s mentality and emotions vary from the norm by showing instability in overall behavior, self-image, identity, mood, relationships, and the classification of things in terms “black and white”, or “right or wrong.” These aspects are further outlined in the criteria listed in the DSM-IV, and are offered as a guideline for possible diagnosis, where a person suffering from BPD will show five of the nine listed symptoms. (APA, 2004)

 

Commonly, the BP has issues with interpersonal relationships. This causes tremendous troubles for both the BP and the non-BP. The BP may exhibit a lack of trust in the non-BP, and show violent or irregular changes in attitude toward the non-BP. Reasons for these trust and anger issues may vary, and typically will, for the issue lies deep within the BP’s previous life experiences. The BP may have been a victim of some sort of abuse, be it emotional, physical, or sexual (Wikipedia, 2007). These experiences then influence the attitude of the BP, and the feelings get applied toward the non-BP. This transgression is not done intentionally; meaning that the BP truly wishes to behave in this manner, however; the attitude is brought about as a defense mechanism. The BP has been put on edge – a high alert, and looks for any sign that they might be hurt once more.

 

The walls. The doors. The floors. Familiar elements of this room. But something is different, something changes, the room has gotten bigger. The doors are further away.

 

A BP can enter into a relationship not expecting anything more than what any other person may expect. Things may seem fine or normal. Then the BP will start looking for the signs (Harvard, June 2006). The non-BP may make the normal changes within their attitude as everyone is susceptible to doing. This simple change may scare the BP; therefore causing a sudden rift in their attitude, causing a change in the way they look at things, and in turn causing a change in how the non-BP sees their friend/partner.

 

When people enter into a relationship, they typically show all of their good points, and get comfortable with one another before letting their lesser points slide in. One may be dating a person for a few weeks, going out to dinners and movies, and show full proper manners, and then there will come that one night where someone breaks. While this example may be a bit stretched, it does show how one changes their appearance over time, until they feel comfortable with the other. This simple thing however, may in fact be just enough to make a BP start looking at the non-BP in a different light.

 

“My ex had terrible gas,” the BP may think, and then start looking for signs and other attributes that this non- has with their former partner. This new non-BP, who has only broke wind, has now become like the others.

 

Abandonment is also a strong fear of BP’s. Feelings of abandonment stretch outside the walls of a close coupled relationship, and may involve relationships shared among friends. These feelings of abandonment may stem to the root of the BP’s psychosis, or may have come as symptoms of the BPD. In the flatulent example aforementioned, the BP may have eventually gone far in assigning negative attributes to the non-; and the non- simply grew tired of this poor soul’s baggage and left. Whether the non- left on good terms or abruptly left the relationship makes no difference to the BP – they were for all intensive purposes, abandoned. The BP was abandoned because the non- just couldn’t take the c
hanges in personality. The non- had been drawn into the BP’s labyrinth, grew scared, and finally found the door behind them, and ran out.

 

The room is very dark and grows darker still. The BP searches for a way out.

 

The BP may become, or may have been long since suicidal. Their life is empty. Nobody sticks around. Not a single soul in the world for them no one to love or trust. Sadly, among 8-10% of BPs find suicide as their way out of this maddening maze (Wikipedia, 2007). Still more turn to other destructive behavior such as drug abuse, alcoholism, promiscuity, and so on, if they haven’t already (Harvard, June 2006). Thankfully, the majority searches for a light.

 

In the search for a way to light this dark room, the BP may actively search for friends. During this search, the BP will also be desperately searching for various ways to gain approval of the people around them. In the desperate acts of approval seeking, the BP may be viewed as child-like, constantly finding inappropriate times to interject, or add to a conversation, sharing experiences which may have no light on a particular subject, following people, consistent rambling, hyperactivity, and so on. Due to this behavior the BP may just drive the nons- away, thus fulfilling their fears of abandonment once again. A vicious cycle has come complete again, and starts once more.

 

BPs may find light, however, through therapy. Therapy, however, can become just as troubling as the disorder.

 

The Grand Hall, just down the corridor from the large darkened room. Even darker. Still no light. A large spiral staircase in the center. The staircase, more frightening, leads to the depths of the issue.

 

Somewhere along the way, the BP may have been diagnosed, or they may just realize that their symptoms deserve attention, so they seek therapy; where they shall become diagnosed as a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, if not many more psychological disorders (Harvard, 2006). In either case the BP has most likely come to therapy, entered The Grand Hall, to receive help with the symptoms – the trust issues, the anxiety and depression. The counselor (inclusive of therapist, psychiatrist, and psychologist) leads them to the staircase – the disorder itself. This long dark and twisting shaft is lined with many steps, many symptoms. The hole that they lead down is the disorder, and the depth of the hole, the number of steps leading down, can only be influenced by how the BP thinks and chooses to interpret things. A scary walkway to look at for the BP, and the counselor. Truth be told, the counselors are typically more fearful of the treatment than the BP (Harvard, 2007).

 

Enter the minotaur – the stigma of this labyrinth known as Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

With all the knowledge that counselors have of BPD, they have the misfortune of having to expect anything and everything from the patient. The counselors know the definition of BPD; unsettling and unstable moods, rage, suicidal thoughts, self-injury, fears of abandonment, intimacy issues; over-all volatile behavior (Harvard, 2007). With this information, it’s hard to enter into a session without some slight. More difficult still, is the nature of the disorder. Personality disorders are just that – a problem entwined within a personality, the very being of a person. Defining a line between the being and the human is difficult, if not nearly impossible. The problem is magnified where the personality is that of a borderline nature, meaning it can change randomly at any given moment, as opposed to its akin; Bipolar, which changes on a more patterned cyclic rate (Wikipedia, 2007). [To continue with illustrative efforts, bipolar persons are more like funhouses. The journey may be scary and fun, and there is a definite end to the cycle before you re-enter.]

 

The stigma then plays into the BP’s psychosis; the counselor has failed the BP. There is no help or hope. Abandonment, yet again.

 

There have, however, been several good attempts at therapy, yet these styles of therapy do not show definitive solutions for the disorder. Therapy for the BP has been tried in one on one sessions, as well as in group sessions such as groups of BPs being counseled, or couples therapy for the BP and non-BP. Two forms of therapy have shown good response in BPD diagnosed patients. One therapy style, Schema-Focused Therapy (focuses on childhood, daily life, emotion and defining thereof), has shown full recovery of some patients after a four-year term, while having a larger number “showing clinically significant improvement.” Dialectical behavioral therapy (logic reasoning, weighing and exchanging points and ideas) has shown some use in an effort to stop suicidal and self-injury tendencies, and is more welcomed by BPs in opposition of traditional psychoanalysis; however dialectical has yet to prove any effectiveness in treatment of BPD. (Harvard, June 2006)

 

There are no medications for BPD itself; whereas a BP can be medicated for certain symptoms or a concurrent mental health diso
rder. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) have been used to aid in the improvement of anxiety and depression. Antipsychotics have also been tried in attempts to alleviate impulsivity and suicidal attempts. Anticonvulsants have been used as well, and have shown effects in stabilizing the mood of BPs. (Harvard, July 2006)

 

Borderline Personality Disorder is an enigma to everyone involved. A large puzzle without a solution. A maze without a map. A deep dark labyrinth. Though the single sufferer may never be completely cured (Harvard, July 2006), they may, however, through therapy and the determined support of trusting friends and partners, be able to make it through without having the house cave in on them.


References

American Psychiatric Association, (2004). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV-TR (Text Revision). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Borderline Personality Disorder. (2007). In Wikipedia [Web]. Retrieved July 6, 2007, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Danielewski, M (2000). House of Leaves. Toronto, Canada: Random House.

Harvard Health Publications, (2007, January).The stigma of borderline personality. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 6.

Harvard Health Publications, (2006, July).Borderline personality disorder: Treatment. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 3-5.

Harvard Health Publications, (2006, June).Borderline perosnality disorder: Origins and symptoms. Harvard Mental Health Letter. 22, 1-3.


“An Extended Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder: The Labyrinth” was originally published on J. Palmer